


but you would (still) miss me in your bones

by frolicking (flickeringheartbeat)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, honestly it's just deeply vulnerable idk, idk how to tag this story, inspired by taylor's my tears ricochet, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25807537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flickeringheartbeat/pseuds/frolicking
Summary: she loves him even if she wasn't his one, that she stayed after his death.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Original Female Character(s), Byun Baekhyun/Reader
Kudos: 4





	but you would (still) miss me in your bones

he sees her in his wake.

the room was filled with deafening silence, people sitting on provided pews with a somber expression, void with feelings as they reminisce the good times they have shared with the person who's lying peacefully in the coffin, each side filled with flower wreaths. majority of people loathe the thought of going unto funerals, for it symbolizes the painful last days of someone's life before bidding a permanent goodbye. 

baekhyun silently stands beside his coffin, seeing his lifeless pale body lying in a medium-size coffin. looking around, an impressive amount of people are gathered for today's wake. some of the familiar faces he sees are silently weeping, heads hung low with their handkerchief sandwiched in their balled fist.

until he spots someone he would hold his life for.

it was the most surprising moment of his life, with receiving his acceptance letter from military school following behind. almost seven years have passed since he saw her slowly disappearing from a distance, caused by the false hopes of them being the 'two made for each other' together.

baekhyun still sees her constants, especially the beauty she exudes—of how she stands out in a medium-sized room despite the situation, and it's excruciating to realize that she came back to see him now lifeless.

sadly, one of her constants was her being alone.

he's certain that he's dead, yet he feels the pang in his heart, as seeing her standing on the left corner most part of the room reminds him of his biggest mistake.

also, _he didn't have it in himself to go with grace_.

serving for the country was everything that baekhyun always dreamt of ever since he was young, that his mom would lift him up and shower him with kisses, asking him if he's serious about this matter. he'd beam at her and nod enthusiastically until the time came when it ended with a one and certain nod at which his mother sighed in defeat as she felt how willing he sounded.

specifically, after he fucked up his relationship.

meeting her was one thing he will always treasure in his heart, that his dream as a soldier became uncertain at some point. he couldn't just see himself saving his country while being away from the love of his life for a period that only time knows.

perhaps, good moments have its self-written plots because one day, he messed up their perfect picture relationship and it's not possible to fix it anymore. he broke her heart big time, and moments after, he lost her.

six years after, baekhyun lost his life from an enemies' ricochet during a battle, hearing the screams of his comrades which served as a remnant of his battle against the enemies.

* * *

she remains standing on her position as the last visitor exits the room. baekhyun wants to approach and envelope her in his arms, giving her the usual warm hugs he used to give her while kissing her passionately, wherever they are.

even if he couldn't feel how plump her lips are anymore.

the people left inside the room were her, an old man sitting in front of the last flower on the right side, and baekhyun's brother.

his brother waits for her behind while she looks at her past lover's lifeless body. as she turns around, she silently sits beside him. "it's been a while." his brother says, a surprise is evident in his voice.

she couldn't look at him straight in the eye. "someone told me about the news." she exhales stiffly. silence replaces the short conversation between the two until she remembers something. she anxiously looks around the room, as if she's avoiding somebody else.

"so, you're looking for someone?" his brother asks.

all of a sudden, she looks at her black dress and played with the hem of her dress. "i hope his family won't see the two of us talking. that would be weird." 

  
  
baekhyun felt a lump forming in his throat. 

his brother looks away and exhales out of frustration. he avoids her gaze with an apologetic look. "he never got married."

"oh." 

* * *

hours passed until she's the only person left in the room. the rest are busy with their own business outside as if they never looked forlorn hours ago. her tears dropped on the clear glass, lips swollen from resisting the urge to wail in front of his past lover.

"you're fucking sick, baek. you should've fucking stayed with me." her breathing hitches, and she swiftly wipes her eyes to compose herself. 

the night slowly draws in, and it felt like a crippled forever being stuck in a four-walled room, mourning and weeping as recalling the good 'old days.

_the stolen kisses in her front yard whenever baekhyun drops her home;_

_the way he beams at her as she showers him with compliments, especially when she calls him her knight in shining armor for saving him in any circumstances;_

_the warm hugs he used to give;_

_the first exchange of i love yous at a park;_

_and how sweet he sounded when he promised that he'll always love her, even if he'll be buried six feet under._

"do you have somebody to take you home?" 

her musings were interrupted by baekhyun's brother, making her slightly jumps on her seat. "um, i don't have."

baekhyun's brother lopsidedly smiles at her. she hates how almost identical their smiles were. "i didn't know you were spacing out. i apologize."

she looks down, averting her gaze from him. "it's fine. and... i can go home by myself."

a brief silence follows.

"well," he exhales, "my little brother would haunt me if you won't let me drive you home."

right. she bit her bottom lip and exhales deeply. closing her eyes, she nods and flashes her a weak smile. "i remember."

both of them chuckle, and she waves goodbye at baekhyun's picture frame placed on the coffin and exits the room.

baekhyun follows them by sitting on the back seat behind his brother, so he could see her side profile. after his brother dropped her home, he smiled at his brother who's now looking on the ground.

"hey kiddo, i drove your sweetheart on her home safely. she's having a rough day because of you, dumb ass."

despite the situation, he couldn't help but laugh at his brother. he could only wish he hears his annoying expression when he laughs.

* * *

she lies on her bed, succumbing to the usual solitude so she could sleep. however, it's not effectively working after she went to baekhyun's funeral. the last resort is to round her bedroom until she feels tired, or maybe reading the worst book she brought with him back when she was given a tip for the first time from her parents.

much to her misfortune, she gained everything but yawns. 

baekhyun peacefully observes how desperate she looks as she gives her effort to feel sleepy. he starts to panic when he saw her pulling her blanket to her lips as she lets out muffled cries. baekhyun couldn't stand watching her cry which brings him to lay on her bed, engulfing her petite body behind. 

somehow, it worked out, for she calmed a bit. her breathings are short but manageable, and baekhyun starts to sing her lullabies. he used to sing at her with her favorite songs over phone calls at nights when her insomnia heightens until he can hear her soft snores during the days of their relationship. 

before she closes her eyelids, she mutters something.

"help me sleep at night, baek."

baekhyun smiles, giving her a ghostly kiss as he whispers. _and when you can't sleep at night, you'll hear my stolen lullabies,_

_darling._

maybe lulling her to sleep will be his new usual starting tonight.

* * *

today's been scorching hot, but that didn't stop anyone from crying as they hear the last words from the pastor. 

that includes her.

baekhyun watches her cry over him _again_ as she looked at his coffin slowly descending to the deeper ground. 

...until he spots the familiar diamond necklace bouncing lightly in sync with her broken breathings.

_to love is to suffer perenially._

it was the necklace his mother gave to him during a sunny day in their neighborhood.

> "if you're wondering why i hand this out to you, i want you to give it to someone whom you will risk your life for. someone who will be by your side despite the odds."
> 
> he couldn't grasp the idea about giving an expensive item to somebody else. "why diamond, mother? i could buy something from a thrift shop."
> 
> she pinched his sides, causing him to wince in pain. "who else is gonna be there if we're gone?"
> 
> "you're talking nonsense, mother," he muttered.
> 
> "they say people come and forget after your death, and you'll realize which of them will remain even when they can't feel or see you anymore."

_you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me, darling._

* * *

there's nothing for baekhyun to regret as he sees her regularly paying a visit on his grave every sundays, the day where he used to take her in their neighborhood's small park to eat ice cream and seat on old benches.

he watches her sitting on a shawl while looking at his gravestone. "hi baek, how are you today?" resting her chin on her hands, she smiles. "well, this week's been hell on my junior year in med school and it's a good excuse to cry whenever i think of you. i bet you would nag at me for being a crybaby." she adds.

her beauty remains unparalleled. he's been observing her physique change ever since she's visiting his grave, but that didn't stop him from loving her even at his phantom form. it's just the same lovely girl he was falling for a way back nine years ago.

baekhyun was glad that she neither sounded nor looked vulnerable after his burial, and even happier that she visits him every sundays.

he doesn't deserve her. he wanted to cry in order to pour out his frustrations and regrets.

she loved the solitude until the skies turn to somber gray, followed by droplets slowly soaking the area. soon, heavy rain starts pouring down and she immediately opened her umbrella.

"i hope you won't haunt me. i'll be here every sundays just like before, even though you don't want me like you used to." 

the weak smile she gave on his gravestone before she runs away caused a loud thunder. 

_i love you, and i'd still talk to you when you hear me screaming at the skies._

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me.


End file.
